Shafina: Life During Lockdown

OK, cool. So we're recording now. Um, so Hi, Shafia. Welcome

Thank you for joining me. Um um, Well, actually, as you're aware, we know that we're living in a pandemic right now. Um, and I suppose what we're trying to do is just have a conversation around how it's been for you

And you know what kind of challenges you're facing or well, anything that you want to talk about. Really? Um, so I'll just start off with a very general kind of. How do you think, um, COVID-19 has affected you? Oh, wow

That's, um Well, first of all, thank you for having me. Um, and yeah. So with the pandemic, I think it's, um it's definitely affected

Everybody really hasn't it in so many different ways. Um, so I like me specifically, Um, I'd say so. I basically started home schooling my kids, um, a little bit of background about me

I'm an I'm an optometrist. And I home school, and, um, I I'm a scout leader, and I like to, so I'll keep myself busy with fundraising and things like that. Um, yeah

So basically, um, we were we started home schooling, and that was sort of greatly impacted, uh, with the covid, um, all the clubs that we send the Children to. So, um, you know, we set up kickboxing that's got cancelled. Um, they're doing professors

So all these, like science experiments that's got cancelled. We have regular meetups with all the other home schoolers. Obviously, we couldn't meet up with anybody, so that's all got cancelled

So it's literally sort of, um, being sort of going back to basics, you know, just to bake it at home or going for nature walks. And, um, so I just really having to cut back on all the things that we really appreciate, You know, all the museum trips, all that sort of stuff, You know, that that makes the whole home school experience wholesome. Uh, beneficial

Kind of all. Sort of. Obviously

That's all I got cut off. Um, but I think, um, in some ways, it was a blessing as well, because it forced us to really slow down. Uh, because sometimes you sort of get attracted, like, um, you know, we kind of live in a sort of culture where, you know, business is really promoted

If you're not as busy, then it's kind of like, uh, you know, we kind of wear it as a almost a badge of honour. Don't we have to be busy? So obviously, the pandemic is really sort of forced us to slow down. So in terms of the home schooling, it's, um yeah

So a lot of benefits definitely did come out, obviously. You know, on the downside that, you know, we they miss their friends. Um, we missed the family

Um, so, yeah, it was It has been challenging, but I think now that it season off again and the clubs are starting up again, um, you know, really looking forward to all that. And, you know, it just really makes you appreciate the basic things. You know? You see your friends, your family, uh, just, you know, being around it just really makes you appreciate it

Uh, So that kind of the challenges that the home schooling, um, in terms of, uh, actually sort of how covid is specifically impacted on, um so as a community, obviously, I know we kind of We're from the same community. We've lost so so so many people. It's been like, you know, just, like, use that term because I don't think it just, you know, think about one person, that one person or somebody's dad

Somebody call somebody's. You know, Grandfather, Father, You know that one person that's just one person. And you know, like the last time I checked, I don't really watch the news anymore, but it was like over 100,000 deaths in this country alone

So, you know, and it's just like the way it's almost kind of the way. It's just like we always become desensitised to like how you know how much. Oh yeah, it's just 100

It's not 100,000 if you think about that, just that one person and how much impact that one person had on so many people's lives and how many people it is left broken. It's just, you know, there's it's you can't really put it into words. Um, sort of when, uh, you know more specifically, um, you know, we have lost people on both my side, you know, on my side, on my and on my husband's side

Uh, I lost my my dad's eldest brother. He sort of passed away. Um, it was It was It was just so sad on so many levels because, um, my cousin couldn't, uh he he went to the hospital, you know, um and he he was turned away, you know, the last few hours, but they knew they said that he's gone, and he they turned away

They wouldn't let him go and see him. And obviously that was a proto call for covid in that hospital. But it was just, you know, I was really like, Oh, it was just It was hard enough in that situation

It was hard enough though. He got to the was across the road. Who who who, uh, was also passing away his he was allowed to go

But just because he was in a different hospital just because of the protocol of the hospital because they had P p and so on, and he just like, it's just, you know, it is what it's meant to be. But, you know, with your you know, we see your family in that situation is is difficult And, like, you know, obviously that he passed away, and then, you know, you can't visit and, um, you know, you can't say goodbye. Almost

You kind of feel like that's been taken. And then, like when we found out, it was kind of like my dad, uh, my brother's on the family group. We just got a text when you get called

You know, my cousins got a call. So, you know, obviously he's passed away and they were two, like, two worked of themselves, literally. My dad just got a text message that he's gone

Do you know what I mean? I got and I got a text message saying that he's gone And I just thought, Oh, you know how how sad that, you know, you just want to be there and you can't. And you just sat at home crying by yourself, trying to, like, absorb it And, you know, like that usual support that you get there. Uh, you know, it gets taken away, and you know, there's so many people that are kind of living with that, uh, and I think that's that's been like in all honesty, I like, you know, obviously my cousins, I kept in touch and stuff and then, uh, a couple of times I just I'd visit, but I'd stay outside and stay to be as aware because I obviously just, you know, to check about her, make sure she's OK

I think it's a human thing to do, Um, because obviously sort of somebody who's lost a parent as well. I know I can relate to a lot of it. And I think when you go through the experience, you could you you could sort of from the experience you could kind of like advise process works and how it's not just, you know, it's not just like, you know, uh, what's the word? A li right? It's just, you know, you know, you sad one day and be happy that, you know, you eventually get happy

It's kind of like up, down, up, down Um and eventually you get that, Um and obviously from a religious point of view, you know, you you know, like what to say how to be, you know, like to, you know, to put strength in people because obviously, you've gone through it. And, you know, you know the words to say And I think sometimes even when you don't say the words that you're just there, but because you've been through the experience you've been through, you could like, um, they just they kind of relate to. It could be from you

Would you be through that? You know what I mean? Like a So, Yeah. So I think from, like, it's Yeah, absolutely. So I think, Yeah

So from, uh, in terms of the, uh, the lost side, that's kind of, like be my experience. And then we had a side. We had his, uh his who's He was just like, Gosh, that guy, he was just, like, one of the most amazing people

Like I met. He he just never said anything bad about Eddie Wall. And he just like he'd go, he'd do his friends and, you know, he'd go

He'd read his Koran, and he just like he was just a hard like, he got decent he would be. And, like, never said anybody to anybody. He had a two year episode, but we cut that

Then the covid just his daughter caught it, and then he caught it. So then we lost him. Um, so that was and then obviously already we lost my other, You know, we lost him as well, And, um, it was it was it was tougher to get

It was the challenges of not visiting and not being able to say goodbye and just, you know, it was It's been really kind of, uh, it sometimes doesn't feel real that like it really kind of like, really good. You know what I mean? Because it's kind of I think it's hard anyway, losing somebody, but then losing them and then not being able to kind of say goodbye. It's just it's it's a different kind of difficult if you know what I mean

Um, but then I think so many people are going through it and, uh, it yeah, I think, Uh So, yeah, there's that side of it. And then in terms of like, uh, kind of see it from my neighbours, like, uh, he he to a car garden. Um, he is kind of like he's like he's such a social butterfly, like he's one of the like, nicest people you'll ever meet, and you always try to keep it out of his stuff

But he's so funny. He's like I play garden. You all right? I know it's a bit of snow, you know you're OK and they be Oh, don't worry

I just I I saw the weather forecast. So I went to about me at the window cross road and did supply of shopping, and we right, so yeah, and he's just he he blessed um, but, yeah, he's really funny. So keep him and stuff

And, um, I think, like in the the South Asian Community, we kind of we're all right. And this is that we have a lot of, um, you know, we've got that family system in place where we always keep an eye on the elders they usually like within the family. So, you know, we have that kind of support

So I think it, uh, but so I think in a way, that's kind of worked. It's helped us, but, um, and obviously the government put in place the rules where if it's, you know, if you're living on your own, you can't form a bubble with somebody for that. Uh, but but I know obviously with care, homes and things like that, um, they've really, really struggled, and, um, I've not had any personal experience with it, but sort of just, you know, obviously you can only imagine if you, you know, you wait all week to see one person of your family, and even that gets taken from you, Like, you know, you just wouldn't wish that on anyone

But, I mean, it's been a hard one, isn't it? With covid. So the government had to put in difficult restrictions, and then, um and obviously, you know, we talked about home schooling before, but then we had the schoolers who basically got sort of chucked into it, did they? Um, as I see my own family, like my stepmom struggling with her girls and, you know, and I think obviously, home schooling when you start anywhere when you actually start from a place of, you know, you actually decide to embark on the journey is pretty overwhelming. You get bombarded, you know, with information, but then to sort of be thrown in, like into this crisis schooling

Uh, that's been really challenging. And I think a lot of people have really struggled and obviously, you know, suddenly some people bless them on top of the home school school. They've had to deal with kids who, um, who have tried to do their homework

And then, obviously they're upset and anxious. They can't see their family. They can't see their friends

Everything got off. So I think it's been it's been really kind of tough all around for everybody. Um, I don't think anybody's really come off well out of it

Really. Um, but I think one thing is, I think a lot of people, like, sort of, um they're kind of more appreciate The, uh, the whole, like mental health is I think everyone's kind of like, Oh, my goodness. You know what mental mental health needs to be sort of

You need to pay attention to this because you know what? If you don't have your mental health, you know it. It's so, so important, like the the World Health Organisation, where they put in the definition of health. You know, mental health is in there

That's part of the definition. Um, because obviously it's, you know, you can't function without having that the obviously having that component and and with this culture, we don't look after it, do we? Because it's sort of, um, it's kind of just put on to us that, like, you know what, It's be busy. It's a bunch of other

And you know if if you have a break or you know you rest. He forbid. Then you know, you're just lazy

Um, so I think the culture really doesn't help with that. Hm? Hm. No, I see what you're saying

I could talk. Good. Um, it's just, you know, Wow, it is so chaotic

It sounds like, you know, there's been so much happening and, you know, God, sorry for all your loss that you've had as well. I mean, like you say, a lot of it's been happening everywhere, isn't it? In every household, someone has either passed on, you know, someone who's passed, and it's just it has certainly been a struggle. Yeah, so? So for you

How do you think like you've been looking after your own mental health in and amongst everything that has been happening for you? That's a really good question. I have. So I always joke

I call it my mode, So Well, I do because, um, at the moment, obviously, I'm home schooling, and I'm doing some training for work. Uh, you know, as an optometrist. And I'm also, um So I we run weekly lives

Um, you know about mental health as we did. Like we get, like most a doctor So, um, I'm so we Sometimes we do ourselves where we did it about healthy living and about building resilience in lockdown. You're educated in lockdown

And, um so we do all these, like, different lives to help everybody else. And, you know, sometimes just from giving, that kind of helps you as well and sort of whilst we were doing the lives, I was really good about mental health myself, and, um, so it made me appreciate it more as well. Uh, but the way I sort of, you know, to answer your question the way I sort of, like, Look, after my mental health is, um I just I was literally just switch off

So, um, like, I will, um, I'll take a few days of home schooling. I will feed the kids, and then they're quite good at educating themselves. So I'll just make sure they've had all that sort of, you know, breakfast, lunch, dinner

Um, and then if the weather is good, like, uh, the other day yesterday, the day before we went to the park and we literally just walked back, it took me about 2.5 hours to walk back. Uh, you know, nice, slow pace

And we just we just throw ourselves into the chair and just, you know, switch off the phone, has to have a digital detox, and, yeah, just get out to date chair. I just know the fancy terms of crafts and stuff. We just because they are outdoorsy kids, they love, they love bit outdoors

Um, so, yeah, we just And then I just take a slow pace and minimise my workload in terms of everything else as well. I just do it that way. Um, uh, I I'm quite fortunate I could do that

I'll just Yeah, I'll slow right down. It doesn't matter if the dishes build up, the laundry builds up. It's fine to come first

You know what I mean? Because you know what? Those dishes, they they they'll pop up again after 10 minutes after pile right back up again, they're gonna finish. So, um, you know, make sure you place your batteries, Behar basically, so sometimes I do that for a few days, but I feel like a bit overwhelmed. Wow

Wow. Wow. Wow

Yeah. That's so good to hear, though, like being with your kids and going out into nature because it just like, for me, that makes a lot of sense, you know, like to to switch off from all devices and just get some space, I suppose, isn't it? Yeah. No, Absolutely

There's, like, loads of research about this. Uh uh. I love reading

And, uh, so those are hobbies, and it's called Forest Bathing It It's like this concept trees actually release hormones. Sorry. Not homo chemicals

Uh, and those chemicals actually, like, feel good chemicals. Yeah. And then even, apparently, even in the mud they have the soil has some chemicals as well

So is good for you for that. So, yeah. So that's definitely something that, um, I'd recommend to anyone that's kind of finding it really hard to switch off

Um, and I think self-care comes into it a lot. And that's something I've always really struggled with. Um, but, uh, again, it's just doing it regularly

Even if it's 15 20 minutes and just take out that time for yourself Just so you can sort of have have sometimes is there because I think the problem is with self care people, sort of, uh, you know, because it's sort of pushed through the, you know, marketing. Or, you know, you could have a lovely spa day to have self care. But it doesn't need to be that it's just having a couple of, you know, with tea with, uh, you know, a book or whatever or just, you know, stick his feet feet into a I don't want his foot massages or something

It doesn't need to be complicated at all, I think, uh, but I think again that that message is just it gets really complicated for people. So they get really overwhelmed, like, Oh, my goodness. Like, you know, this is difficult

I can't do this. Um, and like, there's a a chap called James, uh, clear. He sort of does a lot of work on habit formation

And one of the things he says is when you're trying to build a new habit making easy Uh, so there's a two minute rule that it shouldn't take more than two minutes when you start this habit. Um, just because it's you're more likely to do it. Mhm

No, absolutely. I agree. You know that

No, no, no, no, that's fine. I mean, you know, you're talking about self care and especially during this time. I think that's something that has to be a priority, doesn't it? What? I don't know how you feel about that, Uh, how I feel about self care, self care, being like a priority with during lockdown

Yeah. Can you hear me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry

Just I think there's, like, a delay, You know, when it's coming across. Yeah. No

Yeah. No, I think absolutely. Um, the thing is, it's Yeah

I think the thing with health care is the way you've got to see it is if you don't do it, you it's, uh you will be forced to do it, if you know what I mean. Like, if you don't look after yourself, you'll something. So it's better to do it now than be forced to slow down and do it later

You know what I mean? So yeah, exactly. Uh, so, yeah, just doing small amounts consistently is, uh, is is is the way to go about it, I think. Excellent

That's true. I agree. 100%

Um wow. You know, I just feel like your life sounds like it's really, really busy especially, you know, even though you say like all the general, You know, the other extra kind of activities where your scouts and, um you're, you know, going out and about and from the home, schooling, all of that, even though you've had to, That's all stopped, and you've had to take a step back from that. Um, there's still so much more that you're dealing with, you know? Yeah

Yeah. No, absolutely. I think it's just this sort of season of it as well

With four young kids, they're sort of 246 and eight years old, so they are very young. Um, but that said, I think I'm quite lucky. Um, that in the sense that they're quite, um, quite independent little beings

So, um, you know, they do a lot of things for themselves. Um, you know, they'll get they'll attempt to get ready, and you know they'll help with the housework and things like that. So So you have to do trade them up and get them into these habits

Yoga. They do enjoy it. Yeah, most of the time

And, um, yeah, so So, yeah. So I think it's important to, um, sort of I think you you've got to live your life in a way that you're happy with all the things that you have in your life. And you got to make sure that they bring you joy instead of just sort of filling you up your calendar with sort of random things that you don't enjoy

Uh, you know, you gotta be really intentional and sort of, uh, you know, mindful of what you're putting into your life, Um, and I think the things I have in my life generally do bring me joy. Uh, and yes, sometimes I do. I am guilty of putting to which in there, but it's things that I enjoy that do make me happy

And, you know, I I love giving it to the others. Um, because I get a lot of joy out of doing that. So, um, I don't sort of I don't like I wouldn't take anything out of my calendar right now

Basically, I think it's pretty jam packed full in a good way. So that's a good thing. Oh, Shana, thank you so much for sharing

Thank you so much for sharing. You know your story like it's it's so valuable, and I'm honoured to hear it you know, So thank you for taking out the time. No worries

Have you got any other questions or anything you want to ask? No. No, you tell me. If you there's anything else that you wanna tell me No, I think I think I'm all talked out

No worries. I'm gonna stop recording them. In that case, is that OK? OK, yeah

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