Partners in Care and Health - Information and Advice - Carer talks about his frustrations of support as neither parent talks english as a first language

um I live in Milton Keynes, and I have a wife and two Children. Um, the 16, the eldest one doing the G CS C started from today. Then my mom and dad lives from where I live, about five miles away. And my mom is deaf, fully deaf

She can't hear she doesn't speak English. She only can communicate to people like me and my sister with lip readings. Um, and my dad has been diagnosed for dementia

I think it's over a year now. Um, and also my dad. Communication is not very good

He been living in the UK for a very, very long time. I think he's been living in the UK for 5060 years, but he always worked with the community. People worked in a restaurant where people, um, only speak their own language

He was a chef. He worked in the back of house. And that's the problem

He can't you know. And also it's because of age now is struggling to generally com, you know, communicate to people that's including my mom. He can't communicate clearly

He can't communicate to my me, you know, they were fine until is that this diagnosed for dementia. So since my dad has been diagnosed for dementia slowly, slowly things he is getting was, you know, like any dementia do. I didn't know anything about dementia, you know? And And what happened to people? Until I went to see doctor with my dad and they did that check in the hospital

Then he went to memory service to see a doctor, and they told me it's a dementia. And they explained me what dementia is very thoroughly. They explained me, which I was

I was quite impressed. Like the way doctor took time to explain me that Well, only rush like you normally go to GP. You go there, you got two minutes if you're lucky

And since then, biggest problem I'm facing at the moment is more than my dad is my mom. And I think the the doctor and the the hospital and the care worker I think they are getting it. But they're not getting the message

What is the biggest problem in the house? Because they're living in a house. Today's house they they rented from a landlord and council pay some money. They pay some money

They've been living there for quite a long time. Where did they live? It's ideal for my mom and for my dad. Everything is walking distance

They don't drive. Since the dementia started. The house is not fit for the purpose because my dad is urinating on the carpet

The toilet is downstairs, Bedroom is upstairs, is urinating and passing bows on the carpet on the kitchen. Um, middle of the night he is waking up, and my mom is not allowed because she can't hear what's happening. Mhm

And I think that's with the council and everybody understand that because my mom is going through a hell at the moment. Um, because of my mom has been deaf and don't speak English because, for example, if she needed help, she loves to call me on. A FaceTime is the only communication she can have is the FaceTime, and she will explain what's going on Then I have to go myself if I have to or call the relevant people

You know, we we just can't drop everything, But I'm very fortunate where I'm working. They're giving me time to go and visit my dad and deal with that, um so situation is is that you know, we got I got appointment tomorrow, Um, with the with the with a care worker rep for Milton Keynes adult social care rep from Milton Keynes Coming to to assess that situation. But they have done this since my dad has been diagnosed about 33 times, four times

And it's the same thing. They just repeating that what I need to do. You know what I need to do in in terms of? Well, if if your dad is getting aggressive towards your mom, you need to call Doctor, you need to get the medication changed

Um, we will extend the care worker if you need, um, at the moment you got morning and evening, and then we can have it in the afternoon if we and we can review it. But the message is, they don't understand The care work are not making anything different for my mom. So, for example, yesterday Yeah, yesterday my mom called

So my dad has, um, open his bowl on the carpet. Say 5:36 p.m

And it's a right mess everywhere. The care worker don't come till seven o'clock. 7

30. Yes. My mom is not going to wait and watch

My dad and I live in a smelly house till 7. 30 so my mom has to clean. So it's happening every day she's doing this is doing that so by them offering the care worker, it doesn't solve the problem

It is going to happen again. What you described was a really good experience of the diagnosis and the information that you got at that point about what that meant. How did you end up being in contact with, um, social services in the first place? Was that through the the hospital or the the medical side of things or yeah, it was through, um, part of GP

Um, when I made, I made them concerned about the situation. And the doctor said, I you know, we we need to refer you to the adult social care. We need to refer you to all these services available, et cetera, et cetera

To to get he needed help. So then he's end up in the hospital because he's not eating or drinking. Because of that, I got contacted with all this support

Um, so some of the support is not any good. Uh, they can send somebody to help my mom with the washing and the gardening once a week. Um, but again, my mom doesn't want what was good to her because she said, Forget about God

I can't even can't even deal with your dad inside the house because he is walking, turning the gas on, turning the boiler off boiler on opening the windows, uh, trying to wash his watch, you know? I mean, it's like a child. No bit horrible. Yeah, a toddler

My mom is running and she's old, So I, I just don't understand the the You know why? They asked me the same question again and again. Um, um they should have recorded that. My mom is deaf

My dad is this. They don't speak English. What is their home situation? You know, they don't want any more care worker in the house, but they keep offering that, But the the care worker is not doing anything

My mom even told me that we're paying for it at the moment. So my mom told me that two care worker you got they just come in. They say hello and they go

That's 650 pounds. I think a month. My mom, my mom and dad pay OK, so going back to the, um care rep from the council

Um, it will be ideal that possible, Abe One contract not changing every two weeks. Every time. The assessment is a different person doing the assessment and they're just sending a text saying, you know, your assessor will be so I'm no longer your assessor and you call that number

You know, if you need any help, um, et cetera. So that's one of the things that I would like to change if it's possible. Um, then other thing is all those paperwork

You know, my dad worked hard and he saved the money from his pension. You know, um and and And now this money that is going for this care care, et cetera, um, which is the care he's not getting because I'm paying £600 but they come and say hello and goodbye. That's exactly my mom

Therefore, because my mom can't communicate to them, you know? My mom say, Well, I'm done. I'm finished. You know, they could say, Well, we'll sit down

Would you Do you want a cup of tea and make you a cup of tea or your your dad, because they can't communicate with my mom is saying it's done. You know, she changed the pants. She feed him the breakfast from the day of, uh, he he leave the hospital and they will assess, and then it will be passed on to the council

Somebody else? Um Who will? Who will deal with that? Um, the thing is again, Um, yes. Again. You see that? Just pass on

Pass on. We done this. That will be council now, after six weeks

So it's again new people. Yeah, it's just they're not listening. My my mom's situation, they're not They're probably listening, but they have to follow

Probably those tick boxes. That what is said, You know, your your dad is not eligible for full time care because of until this has happened. So that's the thing

So they need to assess my mom, not my dad. My mom is not capable to look after my dad, you know? Yeah. What would make a difference? Final comments

Well, yeah, III. I think the, um, things needs to be simple.