There are three premature ATTEMPTS at praise poems of 'people' in my writing notebook - this one is the most recognisable as a poem. Sadly it is not even slightly recognisable as a poem of 'Praise'. I hope to do better with the other two.
Please offer any ideas for improving it, or just be honest... You can tell me if it belongs in the bin. My feeling is that the journey is a bit jolty or ends to abruptly - something not quite working yet.
When I loved a fish man
it was like meeting a pulse
or watching a rainbow breathe
just muscle, silver and dance.
My mouth in an oval
tongued promises
under a wavy moon trance.
I slithered some lies of love;
I said, my heart was not a catch,
the deep would never tire me.
Though buried from wood and spring,
I could never take him out of the sea.
Was I not a mermaid of the mangroves?
Haven’t I spawned in beds of the coral reef?
Couldn’t I sway with the sea grass?
I believed the bulge of my dreams.
But the watery nights clung
the ocean made my lips sore
my salt and tears slid
invisible to cold sea glass.
I tried to hook him with air,
I said he would be sorry when I was gone.
He said the sea life was traffic free
easy to enter, easy to leave.

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