This time the gestation has been over a year. So much time so many other things to do except to live on purpose. When will I learn, there is only one way, the only way, the process. It involves lots of pleasure and a little pain, I remember then I forget. Each time I say I wont but I do.
So, here I am, been through the mill and now its time to be reborn again. I experienced the spots of pleasure. The moments of unmeasurable joy, I chased the joy begging it not to leave and it did. It was followed by immense sadness, loss, confusion, procrastination, frustration. The easiest thing I could have done - as is my way is to return to my writing. Write it out, dig deep within and just write, allow my thoughts and ideas to fill the page until I was spent.
People who know me, advised me, ask me, begged me, inspired me, loved me. As I ignored them, made excuses, argued with them, justified that it was writers block, I can't write any more. Stuffed my thoughts and feelings deep inside me, til it made me depressed. Yes, I always thought if I had a boyfriend, everyday would be Christmas for us (no pressure then babe!!) But I went deeeep inside myself where I always hide when I am not on my purpose, I almost didnt find myself this time, because I forgot where I was.
But writing for me is about being part of this world and sharing who and what I am. It took Iyanla - again, to remind me through her own self discovery. By sharing her innermosts with me, she made me realise I have nothing to hide, just lessons to learn, mainly about being open and honest. So it starts here, i'm going to do what I need to, to survive. Just because it makes me happy. Whatever you think, will become part of the process.