As I drove to the station, I knew you would be surprised as I drove towards you in this car that you had not yet seen. As I enjoyed the comfort of the leather seats, the new smell mingling with the vanilla scented air freshener. I was impressed with myself admiring the way the black interior blended with the tan leather upholstery. Music filled the air from speakers that surrounded you and made you feel as if you were on tour with your favourite musicians.
Yes, things were looking up for us after finally submitting to believing in the laws of attraction instead of the law of my ego, my life began to take the form that I had always dreamed of. I couldn’t believe how fast my life had changed in such a short space of time. My work had been recognised and my promotion soon followed. I was finally believing in my worth and was being rewarded by everyone around me. Even the people at work began to respect me instead of the indifference I had previously accepted.
So here I was on my way to pick you up from the train station. You had no idea of the plans that I had for you this special weekend. You assumed that we would just have some quiet time like we usually did when you visited me but this time would be different.
As I pulled up at the station, I could see you coming down the escalators. You looked exquisite in your jeans and jacket. Your brown skin appeared to glow as if you had a secret of your own. I was almost covetous of the woman who did your hair because it completed your look and gave you a semblance of urban elegance.
The smile that stoked your face, began in your eyes as you approached me affirmed the effort I had made on your behalf. This weekend was about making you as happy as you have made me. This was my illustration of my love for you and signified a readiness for me to accept you as the love of my life.
Your eyes told me what you could not express in one go. You were glad to see me. You were surprised to see how much had changed in the time we were apart. The most important thing was that you loved me as much as loved you and you were happy.
The moment you brushed my cheek with your fingers, our connection was re-established. I thought back to the day we met. The minute you walked through the door and into my life, I was aware that my life was going to change irrevocably. You smiled at me in a way that presented to me that you recognised and felt as I was. I was drawn to you like a mosquito to sweet new skin.
Although we were strangers that night, I felt as though I had known you all of my life. It was like I recognised you as the person that I would spend the rest of my life with. Very few people I liked in an instant but with you I felt a connection that seemed to defy time and space. The way you were watching me told me that our minds were in synchronicity.
Blinking brought me back to the moment as I looked at you as if l were seeing you for the first time. Your smooth mahogany skin, brown eyes that appeared to pierce my soul when you looked at me intensely. Those deliciously large lips you have been blessed with. The gold crown on your tooth that twinkled inconspicuously when you smiled gave you the look that attracted me.
I concentrated on the road to keep us safe because as good as you looked right now, if it were not illegal I would be taking the next turning and illustrating how much I missed you. The fact that the motorway was imminent, I needed to focus on the road.
“So how are you, my love?” he asked his voice silkier than I remembered.
“I am blessed, truly.” I responded
“I can’t believe so much has changed in such a short space of time. Tell me how do you feel.”
“To be honest, if I really thought about it I think I would not believe it to be true. I am just going with the flow right now, as they would say, ‘riding the storm’.” I allowed my tongue to stroke my lips seductively as I said that.
I couldn’t wait to get to our room as I was sure he couldn’t either. Especially after experiencing the ambience of the hotel. The plush red carpets, gold trimming that decorated the beige velvet curtains. The mahogany of the signing in desk, were all clues to the beauty if this hotel.
This was not just a birthday surprise, it was also a celebration of us as two black people who loved each other enough through the obstacles that inhibit relationships. It had not been an easy year for us. The fact that we wanted to be together was one thing, but the plagues of our insecurities had threatened this fact and us coming through it was worthy of celebration.
I took his hand and led him into the room, I could feel him shaking in anticipation, we were not disappointed. The room was huge, more so than I had expected. It was the height of luxury. The cheese, fruit and bread selection was on a silver trolley by the mini-bar. I looked further into the room to see that there was a
There is a place deep in the recesses, behind the of my heart where you still dwell. The pain that you have caused me is indescribable because I trusted you when you did nothing to earn that trust. I loved you because I was naïve and believed that what you said was true. It took eighteen months for me to see that you have no clue how to love a woman like me.
I believe that I am a simple woman whose emotions are worn for the world to see. There is no agenda hidden. There is a part of me that still believes that we have a future but from my sad experience, I cannot trust you, you have shown me no reason to trust you. In fact you prevail to be clueless as to what love truly is.
As I looked over the letter, contemplating whether or not I would actually send it or just burn it along with my thoughts of the past and the mistake I had made. Thinking back to where I was when I wrote this, I was saddened to my core because the way I was living now was a complete contrast. I cant actually remember how it felt to be so thoroughly disappointed and unhappy because I had not felt that way in a long time.
Since I met Aeon, I never knew what happiness was. The moments of joy that I had experienced made me believe that joy was only possible in small doses. In the year that I have been with Aeon, I have learnt that joy is a way of life, he has taught me that love is as key to life as taking a breath. If you had known me a year ago I would have laughed in your face at the proposition of such folly as a belief. My experience has taught me that the essence of love beginning with self and proceeding to those we come into contact with and spreading to those we may touch by association we engage the law of attraction as like attracts like and we begin to float in a sea of love, attracting and bringing more to us.
For me, Aeon is the archetype of love. He came into my life from a loving place and loved me from a distance. He loved me all my life even when I did not know how to love myself. He has always loved me, even when I loved another. He waited patiently knowing that I would one day return to him, knowing that he would take me back.
My other men always knew about him and this made them insecure. They knew they that I would always hold them up to the high standards that he would set and the would fall short. One even tried to get me to leave Aeon, but I knew that would never happen, because Aeon was where I begun and where I would end.
I remember the day I met Aeon, it was the first day I recognised that I had become a woman. I saw that man firstly in my dreams, he exemplified to me ultimately what a man is meant to be. He was tall, six foot and 2 inches, the colour of milk chocolate, looking equally as sweet. His eyes the colour of the earth after a good rain. His lips plump, a shade darker than his skin with a perfect peak. When he looked at me is lips said love.
In his arms I had no skeleton, I was a pile of flesh and muscles, my heart had to be reminded to beat, he kissed me and breathed life into me and I stood up to love him. With him I felt the protection. I understood that my father had given me to him. He understood. He is my equal.
I stood up and looked into his eyes for some time.
When I think of him, I think of us standing together. His arm is thrown protectively but gently around me neck and chest. He is standing behind me, his sweet lips brushing the side of my neck, his warm breath tickling the fine hairs on my neck causing them to stand to attention and me to shiver as the spirit of love caresses me.

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