So, I've worked on a rewrite for this - taking into account comments about making it less of a list, more grammatical and incorporating the relationship of the writer to the 'shaver' etc. I think it may need a little cutting down at this point - not quite sure about stanza 4 and 5, I'm kind of using them as a break to switch gears but it feels a bit clunky. But it's all part of the process! I heard William Trevor describe writing as being like sculpture for him. On his first run through he'll build a block of material (writing) and then works to keep chipping away at it (editing) until it's in the shape he wants. Thanks for all your feedback!
Version 2 of *Missing*
His brush swishes
Foam, the colour of icing sugar
the colour of egg whites
inside bowl’s mouth
he gently paints spiralling circles on his face
one finger in the cleft of his chin
tips his head up
eyes contemplate flat white ceiling
He pulls his razor in scratching upstrokes
Skimming a taut adam’s apple
Razor clinks against chipped china mug
Excess foam floats
He unearths another swathe
Of smooth brown skin
from the layer of white
a last leisurely male bastion
in this feminised household
I reach tentative fingertips to stroke
Salt and pepper bristles
dry at night
damp by day
There were times of plenty
of collar-tickling waves of black hair
of luxuriant sideburns
and a cartoon bandit’s moustache
sideburns came and went
like flares and spangles and curly-wurlys
but the moustache stayed
Once however
he emerged from his morning ritual
with something not quite right
his unseen upper lip
newborn naked and exposed
remnants of the missing moustache
clinging to his razor
gurgling down our protesting drains
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I originally wrote this for an exercise in a writing class. It was something like 'a portrait of someone you know through an object you associate with them' after some edits it turned into this...
At the workshop I came to, Pete was talking about titles. I must admit I'm a bit ad hoc with these but am trying to be more conscious about them now. After Pete's comments I stopped calling this 'Shaving Brush' and went and had a bit of a think about it....
*Missing*
Brush swishes
inside bowl’s mouth
Foam
the colour of icing sugar
the colour of egg whites
applied to his face in spiralling circles
Razor
scratching
scraping
skimming
adam’s apple
Salt and pepper bristles
dry at night
damp by day
Some years
luxuriant sideburns
a cartoon bandit’s moustache
complemented collar-tickling waves of black hair
Once
he emerged
moustache missing
upper lip
naked and vulnerable

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