My family are blessed; on the whole we live a long life and die of old age albeit there have been episodes of cancer and similar but the blow is always lessened by the fact that they have lived a full life. Of course there have been exceptions; my cousin David died of a brain haemorrhage and my brother in law, Garry, was tragically killed in a motorcycle accident. But on the whole my family has not been dogged by tragedy.
The bible says “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son,[f] but only the Father.” This refers to the second coming and I ask your forgiveness for using this verse out of context but the same can be said of our own demise providing we don’t take matters into our own hands.
When my brother in law died my son’s teacher described it as a death out of time. This really summed it up for me, Scripture promises 3 score years and 10; anything less is not your time but we are living in a broken world and not everything goes to plan. The effect of such a death is far reaching, like a stone skimming across a lake, the ripples in the water spread further and further. The impact on those close to the deceased are devastating but also a wakeup call for friends and acquaintances as we consider our own mortality.
Terminal illness is a tragedy but it also gives the opportunity to spend time with a loved one, ensure that nothing is left unsaid, quality over quantity of life. So in that sense knowing that someone is going to die (the only certainty in life is that we will die) is a privilege because you make time and take every opportunity to ensure that life is lived to the fullest. There is such thing as a good death where palliative care is planned around the needs of the individual. Don’t believe the horror stories in our press, the reality is, that on the whole, we have a caring medical profession.
Last week, having been led to believe that the outlook was great, my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer of the pancreas. The cancer is inoperable but chemotherapy may prolong her life. My only other encounter with pancreatic cancer was approximately 6 months from diagnosis to death; a grim outlook. However, after the initial shock I was filled with absolute peace; Philippians 4:7 speaks of the peace of God that transcends all understanding. If I hadn’t experienced this before I certainly have now. Does this mean I don’t care? Absolutely not, I love my mother. Both my mother and I are Christians and we live in the knowledge of greater things to come. In the coming months I will be strong and, along with my younger sister, will carry this family through.
My mum was brought up on Haughton Street, Bradford, Manchester, just off Grey Mare Lane. The house was demolished in the 1960s along with the whole community. She had 1 brother. Her parents didn’t believe in education for girls and all their efforts were spent on their elder son. She left school at 15, married at 19 and by time she was 21 my older sister and I had arrived. One boy and much, much later a final girl completed her family. In her early 40’s my mother was made redundant from her factory job, for the first time in her life she was given the opportunity to access education. She went to college and retrained as a social worker. She joined Bolton Social Services working with children in residential care.
My mother brought her girls up differently and we were given every opportunity, the best education she could find and a belief that we were capable of doing anything. The only problem, my mother comes from a long line of matriarchs and having brought up 3 extremely strong willed daughters it can lead to conflict.
When my mother was young travelling meant a trip to Blackpool or Rhyl, she never envisaged going abroad. Her cousin Ann married a GI and emigrated to Chicago, she didn’t expect to see her again unless she returned home for a visit. Times have changed and my mum has travelled all over Europe and even visited Anne twice! What I am trying to say is that my mum has far exceeded any expectations of the life that she envisaged as a child.
So the initial shock has subsided and now we start the waiting game; initially for the result of the biopsy which will determine whether life prolonging treatment is available and finally for the inevitable. And life will return to normal, we will go about our daily lives but now we will all ensure that we see mum more often (unless we are away on holiday I never go more than once a week without seeing her), helping her to tick off as many of the things on her bucket list as possible and ensuring that she has the best quality of life possible.
Ecclesiastes 3 A Time for Everything
3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.