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Report transcript in: What as a woman I am proud of
Please Report the Errrors?
Hi, Tess.
Thanks for joining me today for our chat
for women's voices and for the community reporters.
Um, it's lovely to see you.
And I was just wondering about something that you might like
to share about an experience you're proud of as a woman.
It could be during lockdown. It could be throughout your life in general, but
an experience, an event, an achievement that you're proud about.
Oh,
um,
I think still being here is quite a big achievement.
Uh,
I haven't been managed to keep going.
Um,
it's not been easy.
Um
um
and yeah, I think I think
Yeah, I I sort of struggled to say I'm proud of myself. Um,
but I think there is something in Yeah, the fact that I've still kept going,
no matter what.
I've tried to stop. I have tried to stop a few times. Um,
I've not been able to
Yeah,
but sort of, Yeah.
Sometimes I look back and it's like, how did I get through some of that? And how
how was I? Was I able to recover? Because I think
you know, if that happened again, would I still be able to to get through that.
And
it it's
I find it quite
amazing. Sometimes it's like it. Looking back, it doesn't seem like me,
but it obviously was. Me.
Yes. It's like how how
it's like you draw on this superpower, isn't it? At times when you need to and
it just comes from somewhere,
Yeah,
it's It's really strange because you you don't know
it's there When when things are going well,
it's only when things
don't go well. But
you do find this
this resource, this sort of almost pigheadedness.
It's like this stubbornness where you go You know what?
I'm not I'm not gonna let this stop me. I'm gonna keep going
and I'm gonna,
um you know, I'm I'm just gonna try and make.
Yeah, I try and find something positive when I when I come out of it.
I think sometimes at the time it's
you keep going because you you can't do anything else. You don't really have an
option. You just kind of just keep plodding through.
Um,
but then,
yeah, when you get to the other side and you go,
I don't want to have gone through that for nothing.
Uh, yes.
And I suppose
actually Yeah, I suppose that's what I'm most proud of. The fact that,
um,
the last time everything went wrong for me in a big, big,
big way and I became homeless and all the rest of it
that I've managed to completely turn it
around.
And I'm able I'm now doing a job where I'm helping other people use their experiences
to to try and change things and
that I've gone on to
do some ridiculous things. Like,
I was the vice chair of
the patient council at my local mental health trust for a while,
and I
I've done public speaking in front of loads of people, which is just
wrong.
Yeah,
before
this happened, I couldn't speak in a meeting,
and now I'm talking into microphones and I'm being recorded, and
I've written blogs about my experiences, and,
um, I'm helping to influence change. And I'm helping to influence
how other people think about their experiences. And I don't
I genuinely don't know how I've managed to do it, but I have and
yeah, it's strange to think
I am proud of it.
You should be proud of shows,
and I don't really think that's a thing. Common to women or
to you in particular that when our backs
against the wall and everything is crumbling,
including that back
that wall that our backs against somehow.
Well, as you said, it comes from somewhere that you like. This won't be in vain. And
I think those achievements that you've just mentioned are incredible.
And certainly things to be proud of
is the one that stands out above all of them as a favourite
achievement or
thing that, looking back, you think Wow. Yeah, I'm proud that I did that,
Um,
I helped to
write a report called Cause and Consequence. It's actually sort of.
I was volunteering to do that
when I got this job. So it's something that I've managed to carry into my work.
Uh,
and it was this reports about
mental health and homelessness, which is pretty much that's my experiences.
And we, um,
helped he
deliver sort of the the research
for it and how to put it together. And we had this launch at
I'm gonna get it wrong now.
But what it's called, it's in Deans Gate. It's a big theatre in Deans Gate,
and, um,
it's now being used to influence Greater Manchester Mental Health
Trust and their work that they do with homelessness.
They've kind of taken from that report and turned them its priorities.
And it's
I don't let myself stop and look at it. It's quite emotional thinking about it.
Are you OK? Yeah, it's just It's a bit like, you know what? I
did do that?
Um
a really
huge
it is. It's
there's a video that went with it and when I watched that video.
So I hate watching it because I hate watching myself back.
But when I have to because we're gonna use it in a
conference or something, I need to try and, like, get a couple of minutes out of it.
It's
Yeah, it it's really strange and thinking about that,
because that was at the start of this job.
And
how long have I been in this job? For now,
Uh, it'll be three years in June,
Um, and we started doing
the actual research around the same time as the arena bombing,
so it's all kind of wrapped up in that in my memories, it's really, really weird
about the fact that
I've used my experiences to help other people talk about their experience,
and that's then gone into this report, which has been picked up by loads of people.
And it's
it's been talked about by loads of different people. It's just really,
yeah,
that that would never have happened if I hadn't
got as things if things hadn't got as bad as they actually did.
Yeah, that would have happened.
I would have been probably still doing the job that I used to hate.
Um, instead of doing
the job that I'm doing now, which when it when it goes well,
I find it really fulfilling.
And sometimes I do go home and go, Yeah, I did that.
And I You know,
those people do that and you won't believe what that this person used to be like.
And now they're like this and,
you know, and sometimes I'll have been with people who never used to speak.
And then I'm seeing them get jobs, and it's like, Oh, my God,
um
and that so it's
Yeah, I I do think it is a thing that's quite common,
especially among women, where we don't let ourselves step back and go.
You know what I did that
I did that was good.
I think there's something about the voices that we hear throughout our lives that
say You're not allowed to take that minute to stand on the winner's block,
so to speak, you know, at the Olympics and hold your,
um, your trophy up.
But those experiences you've just shared so generously, thank you.
I mean, we started off and you said, Oh, I don't know, you know, And then
we've shared those experiences. I mean,
it's not just like
of changing for you.
You you will never be able to count the number of lives that have
changed as a result of your experience and what you did with that.
So I'd say that is huge reason to
celebrate yourself and be proud. So
thank you. That is just amazing.
It it's It
is difficult to do it, isn't it? It's. It's difficult to
to pat yourself on the back. I think
it's so much easier to go.
Yeah, but I didn't do that as well as I could have done.
Or I could have done more on that or
you. You you you think about those things you don't.
Well, I definitely don't let myself see the full picture.
I don't let myself step back and look at the whole of of what's happened or
the whole of something that I've done.
Um, because it kind of it kind of feels like you shouldn't It kind of feels
I I grew up thinking
that if you celebrated something you did, it was just egotistical.
And you, you're not supposed to do that. You're not supposed to
praise yourself and think I've done that and take some pride
in what you've done because there's always something you could do better
with the test, Your handwriting could have always been better or your
could have been better or you could have done more.
You know, you could have done more revision so you could have finished it,
and then you could have done something advanced.
Or there's always something,
Yeah,
and that I think there's something else that's changed.
Since I've come through this.
I I It's only since then I've I've been allowing myself to sometimes go.
It's OK. You're doing all right.
Um,
yes.
You
help
people help
you.
That doesn't take away from
the achievements that you've had.
Um, yeah,
but it is.
It's something that I It's so much easier to say to other
people and recognising other people's achievements than it is to sort of
to look back at your own and look back at your own.
Yeah, things that you should be proud about in yourself.
Yes,
it's not an easy thing to do, but I think we need to practise it more.
Perhaps, you know, and give ourselves that pat on the back. And I
I was just wondering, as you were sharing so generously your experience there, that
if someone was in that position that you were you mentioned being homeless yourself
and how all of this has grown out of that lived experience of yours.
If you were to speak to a woman in that position now who felt
perhaps hopeless or that she had nothing to celebrate in terms of her achievement,
would there be a
message about
something as women we're proud of that you could pass on,
Um I mean, you're already touching all these lives that you will never know how many,
but
if one was to say, Oh, yeah, that's you, Tess. But I'm just
living on Dean's gate at the moment. I could never do that.
Is there something you would say to them
in terms of encouragement?
Just that I think at the time, I never thought I could do any of that.
And sometimes now I still think I can't do it.
It's
I think it's it's taking.
It sounds really
twee, but it's sort of taken every day as it comes, or even taking every or as it comes,
and through therapy and things. It's like some it you are.
You made an achievement by choosing to get out of bed
by choosing dress by choosing to have something to eat by choosing
to step out your front door.
They are all achievements because at some time or another,
you would have chosen not to do that.
Uh,
so it's all just it's all steps and,
you know, it's
I used to find myself going,
you know, thinking if if some part of me thought I might want to do that,
it doesn't matter how big the fear was.
Just say yes because I can always get to that point and back out.
Yes,
and sometimes I have. Sometimes I've gone into meetings and gone.
Oh, my God, No, I'm not speaking,
but it
and then it's it's having somebody else there. It's telling somebody else that
that you don't feel comfortable or having somebody
you can confide in and you will find people
who you can.
It's it's it's having trust in other
people when you don't trust yourself sometimes,
yes,
which. And I know a lot of
times you say, Oh,
you can't live with people until you love yourself And
you can't trust other people until I think that's rubbish,
then easier to love other people. And it's through
their love of you that you realise that you are lovable
and there are
in you and through trusting other people,
you find that they trust you.
And sometimes,
even though I find it weird when people trust me and they believe what I say,
that questioning me, it's like, Why are you doing that?
Um, but because they do that, it's like, Well, actually,
maybe it's my perception of myself that's wrong. It's not their perception of me,
and I need to think about myself and not
to question them constantly because I trust them when it comes to anything else.
Why? Why is it
when it comes to how they look at me,
and so
that is kind of, I think,
where what I would say to people who were kind of in a similar situation to where I was.
It's that
it's not gonna happen overnight. It just it happens and
I slide back,
and I'm sure everybody else has these periods where you slide backwards and
I where I allow myself to stay in bed all day because life's overwhelming.
It's really overwhelming.
It's really, really tough, and that's OK.
It's OK to
out of bed. It's OK to just eat biscuits one day.
It's OK to
turn
these,
and sometimes it'll make you feel better for for, you know,
a couple of hours and then the sugar crash
will hit and you'll feel sorry for yourself.
But
you know it's not hurting anybody, So that's so
um
yeah and just
just go at your own pace.
There's no there's no rush.
There's no rush to do anything.
I think that is a lovely, a lovely point to end it on,
go at your own pace and there's no rush to
to do anything. I think that is just the perfect way
to end your inspirational story. And
I can only thank you really sincerely, Tess, for sharing.
Not only with me,
but all the people who will get to see this and listen
to you and find encouragement from from your shared experience of your
things that you're proud of. And I'm glad that we've had these few minutes for you to
have time to be proud of yourself today because you really do deserve it.
So thank you so much. It's been an absolute joy. Thank you.
Thank you.
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