You may be wondering what I could have learned from a convicted criminal. Someone who used a weapon to rob someone. Who may not have harmed someone but very well could have. And, what can you possibly gain from reading about this?

More than you might think maybe…

Let me tell you about Martin. In my first year of university, I spent more time in the Kingston Penitentiary than I did in my lectures I am pretty sure. The ‘Kingston Pen’ was a high security prison that held many of Canada’s most violent criminals. There, I worked with armed robbers, men convicted of assault and a murderer. (Please don't tell my mother. She still doesn't know!) I was helping them get ready to leave prison by teaching literacy and life skills. At the ‘Pen’, I learned a great deal about prison life and the limitations that the men would face when they walked back out those big cast iron gates. I knew that getting a job and assimilating back into their family lives would be tough to navigate for the prisoners. But there was one area I had never considered before.

One of the prisoners was named Martin. He was 32 years old and had been in and out of prison for most of his adult life. He had mainly done petty stuff and was not very good at it. He always got caught. Martin was a quiet guy with brown hair and a slight slump to his shoulders. He mainly looked down when talking to anyone and shuffled everywhere. When I first met Martin I found it hard to imagine that he had done anything bad enough to be in the group of ‘hard core’ criminals I was working with in my prison release group.

However, when he was 28 years old, Martin committed an armed robbery to get back into prison. Seriously. I had read about this in my criminology books but found it hard to believe that someone would actually do that. He told me that when he got out of prison at 26, he found it too difficult to socialize so he wanted to come back to where he was comfortable. In his head, he was the same age as the 19 year olds but they looked at him strangely when he tried to hang out with them. Martin tried to get to know other late 20 somethings but he found it impossible. They had gotten jobs, gone to university, moved out of home etc. He, on the other hand, had spent that time getting into trouble and being in and out of prison. When they would ask about him about himself, Martin would make an excuse and leave.

So here’s the thing. Martin felt he had no story. Or at least that his story was not good enough. So he retreated into the only story he knew about himself.  And stayed there. He got stuck in his-story. And he got stuck in what he thought other people would think about him. Martin could have made something up but he probably knew that false stories don’t ring true. People can see right past them. But what he maybe didn’t know is that his real story may not have ostracized as many people as he thought. Maybe people would have been fascinated to hear he had been in prison. Maybe people would have wanted to hear his story about his failures and mistakes. Maybe they would have have been drawn to him for telling them his real story rather than put off. Maybe if Martin had taken a risk to tell his real story, some people would have felt closer to him and wanted to hang out with him.

And, it is true that others would not have been attracted to Martin if he had shared his real story. Many might have been too frightened of the unknown, too judgmental or too worried about their safety to want to hang out with an ex prisoner and armed robber. But did Martin really want to hang out with those people anyway? Did he want to work so hard all the time to try and change their minds about him? Or, could he have used his story as a filter to get to those who cared about who he was at that time not about what he had done before? Could he have used his story to find true friends who would remain loyal because they knew the worst of his story and saw him trying hard to change his life?

I don’t know what happened to Martin after that. He may have successfully re-adjusted to society or he may have done something to go back ‘inside’ yet again. But I have learned 3 highly valuable lessons from Martin’s story that relate to how I want to run my business.

1. Be authentic – Our story is our story. We do not have to constantly change it to make it look good for others. Evolving is important but we must do it based on sound business ideas and information not because our marketing department wants us to look ‘cool’. We won’t. People will see right through it and be turned off.  This is especially true on social media. Using jargon or marketing gimmicks to try and get more ‘likes’ or ‘tweets’ does not work. Sharing heartfelt stories of business success AND failure, will get us ‘liked’ a whole lot more. By the people who are interested in working with us.

2. Be uncomfortable – Not feeling comfortable is part of doing good business. We need to be okay with our business being ‘different’ to others sometimes. We can put ourselves out there a little bit by trying new ways of telling our story. It’s important to accept that not everyone is going to like us. We talk a lot about the ‘ideal customer’ but it’s often just too tempting to try and cater to everyone. Let our stories be the filter that gets us to the ‘right’ customer more quickly. 

3. Don’t go back – there is only one direction to move. Forward. No matter what. Or, we will get trapped in our own his-story.

Our stories are important tools for creating connection, sharing our learning and getting us closer to the people we want to do business with and have in our lives. Our failures are important elements of our stories. For it is in sharing these that we will experience our deepest connections. In business and in life.

So what do you think? Are there any other lessons that speak to you in Martin’s story?

By Lianne Picot - Story Coach, Consultant & Writer

Lianne is also the owner of Very Good Stories and the first Social Licensee for the Community Reporter Program. in Canada

 

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