This story is about me and how knitting and the Just for Women Centre became a huge life saver part of my life. I was once part of an abusive relationship with the odd violence but really it was mostly mentally.
It as I call him doesn’t deserve his name in writing. It started with a slap across my face don’t know why just happen. Then the mental begin. He would put his hand on my face and say ‘Look how small your face is, my hand covers most of it.’ Another one of his favourite saying were ‘You’re useless who would want you, you can’t do anything.’
So the knitting begin. I knitted everything and anything just to prove I could do something. I wasn’t what It said. Over the years the abuse continued. I felt tired, no energy and became a very light sleeper. The doctors at first said it was because I had small children. Which was then they said depression and give me pills.
Pills!! I told my Mam she was worried I’d become depended on them. I also was weary because I only felt tired and if I got a good night sleep id be fine.
So the pills went in the bin and I knitted and knitted even things that wouldn’t fit anyone so I gave them to charity. All the time the verbal abuse was going out behind closed doors.
‘You’re ugly. You’re fat. You’re a mess. Look at the state of you.’ Then he would say ‘You’re lucky that I want you. You should be grateful that I’m here because I could have anyone.’ With that he would pick fault with everything starting from my hair to my toes.
Knitting and my babies kept me going and my diary which I called Sanity book.
In the end I started having murderous thoughts of killing him just so it would stop. All of it. What happen next I didn’t find a house quick enough so he threw me out. Me and my babies only had our clothes.
Me and my kids moved time and time again until I moved to Stanley to escape him. Stanley is where I found the B-Creative Shop and the Just for Women Centre who have gave me hope and also kindness and taught me that I’m not useless.
I feel I have a special family unit, a piece that’s been missing in my jigsaw. There is also the support which I have really badly needed.
I am still knitting but it’s for the love for it not to prove. Emotions are still lurking there but I have my knitting to calm and soothe my nerves.